Adoption from Foster Care: Your Questions Answered, Part 3

adoption from foster care 3

Recently I wrote this blog post on how to adopt from foster care. I was thrilled by the huge response, but I there were also a lot of questions. I turned these questions over to experts in foster care adoption. Here are the links to those posts:

Adoption from Foster Care: Your Questions Answered, Part 1

Adoption from Foster Care: Your Questions Answered, Part 2

Now, here are your newest questions answered:

Julia DesCarpentrie


Screen Shot 2015-02-13 at 11.28.25 AMJulia DesCarpentrie is passionate about orphan care, adoption and fostering. She has been blessed to live out God’s call on her life in those areas through her work with The CALL (Children of Arkansas Loved for a Lifetime), a foster care church initiative encouraging more Christian families to foster children in need. Julia has been an advocate for the fatherless for 10 years, as both a volunteer and also serving with Hope for Orphans before her work with The CALL. She is also an active volunteer in the community and has served on several community boards. She continues to minister to other mothers and foster/adoptive families through writing and speaking with MomLife Today. Julia is the mom of five children entrusted to her care through birth, adoption and fostering. She and Branden have been married for 16 years.

Q: Stacey asked: Nervous about being denied to foster due to student loan debt. Went through the beginning classes to get started and it discouraged me.

When becoming a foster or adoptive family, your finances will be evaluated. If it is determined that you have debt that needs to be paid down, it is only a pause not a denial. There are so many ways to help kids in foster care or support foster/adoptive families. You can contact your local Department of Human Services office and ask if you can clean & organize their visitation room, bring a basket of healthy snacks for family visits, collect diapers & formula. If you know a foster or adoptive family, take them a stack of freezer meals, offer to help with babysitting so they can have a date night, help with yard work.

The foster/adoption preparation classes can be overwhelming and discouraging as they are to equip you to parent children who have been through trauma. Hopefully by the end of the classes, you will feel equipped, but remember that you will learn to deal with some of the worst-case scenarios, and not all children have serious behaviour problems. Keep your focus on your calling to love children who are hurting and continue to educate yourself. It is also important to find a foster/adoptive family support group or other experienced parents.

Q: Is it harder for military families to adopt from foster care? What about deployment, etc.?

We have had a few military families start and then have to put things on hold due to a transfer. It can be harder for them to adopt if they have moved frequently, but not impossible. Both parents need to attend the training classes. A child placed in the home as a preadoptive placement needs to live with them at least 6 months (depends on the state) before an adoption petition can be filed, so they will need to live in the same location for at least a year. Support is critical for any family, but especially those who do not have extended family close by and when a parent is deployed. Support can be found through local foster/adoptive support groups or church friends.

When facing deployment, try to prepare a child for the loss they will experience. A calendar to mark off the days the parent will be gone may help the child understand that they are not being abandoned and that this is temporary. Frequent visits by phone or over the computer will help.

Resources for pre-adoptive parents: adoptuskids.org/for-families/how-to-adopt

Do you have an question or comment about adopting from foster care? Leave it in the comments!

Resources:

Successful Foster Care Adoption by Deborah Beasley

Parenting the Hurt Child: Helping Adoptive Families Heal and Grow by Gregory Keck

The Connected Child: Bring hope and healing to your adoptive family by Karyn B. Purvis

When Love Is Not Enough: A Guide to Parenting with RAD-Reactive Attachment Disorder by Nancy Thomas

Beyond Consequences, Logic, and Control: A Love-Base Approach to Helping Attachment-

Challenged Children with Severe Behaviors by Heather T. Forbes

The Middle Mom: How to Grow Your Heart by Giving It Away …a foster mom’s journey by Christie Erwin

Other blogs I’ve written about adoption:

How to Adopt for {Almost} Free

Adoption from Foster Care: Your Questions Answered, Part 1

Adoption from Foster Care: Your Questions Answered, Part 2

Adoption from Foster Care: Your Questions Answered, Part 3

Adoption from Foster Care: Your Questions Answered, Part 4

Choosing to Adopt: One Couple’s Story

Adoption {She Said}

Adoption {He Said}

The Sad News About Adoption in Our World

Meet the New Goyer Children (our announcement in 2013!)

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Disclosure of Material Connection: Some of the links in the post above are “affiliate links.” This means if you click on the link and purchase the item, I will receive an affiliate commission. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will add value to my readers. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”



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Comments

  1. I am a long-time reader, but this is my first comment here. I’ve really enjoyed this series so far! I’ve always felt called to adopt through foster care, but I have two things hanging me up (aside from our tiny house, which will be remedied before we move forward anyway).

    #1 – My husband was diagnosed with depression years ago. At one point, we had him hospitalized, but the entire thing was a mistake. We wanted him to attend more of a group therapy type “stay away” deal his family had agreed to pay for. His doctor put him in a state hospital, where they basically told him he was depressed and did absolutely nothing. Much of his depression stems from his own crappy childhood. A foster care recruiter I emailed awhile ago said that his experiences might actually HELP us when looking to foster or adopt, but I’m worried they will see “state hospital” and assume the worst, even though his official diagnosis was only “depressed.” Will this keep us from adopting? This all happened over 8 years ago.

    #2 – I have gotten curious and browsed the “waiting children” sites. I’ve noticed that many of them require that they are the only child or youngest. Does this mean we should wait until we are done having our biological children before looking to adopt? We’ve always planned on a large family, so I wonder if this is something they will frown upon. We have four right now, but I’m not ready to say we are “done” with pregnancy. Should we keep foster adopting on the back burner until we’re a little older and are done with pregnancies? Or are some children just fine being thrown into a large family with so many personalities swirling around? lol.

    Thanks for all you do on the site!

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