In 2009 my first memoir came out, Blue Like Play Dough. Yes, I might have been hoping to ride on the tails of another popular book at the time . . . Blue Like Jazz. As a mom of three at the time I felt stretched and pulled like a piece of play dough. There was part of my life that felt filled with crumbs.
In 2009, John and I had been talking about adoption. I had no idea that at the end of 2009 we’d be chosen by a birth mom to adopt her baby girl. Or, in the next five years we’d adopt six more children from foster care. I almost laugh as a mom of ten kids—many of them with special needs—of what advice I could gave as a mom of three. My view of parenting was so narrow at the time. I didn’t understand what is was like parenting a child with learning disabilities or medical conditions. Yes, there were parenting struggles, but compared to what I’ve faced after these adoptions I didn’t understand that there could be so many more bigger, more difficult issues that parents face. I understand that now.
Yet, I got something right in Blue Like Play Dough. Instead of acting as if I had all the answers, I pointed readers to where I found hope: in Jesus. Here’s a quote from Blue Like Play Dough:
By physically going to God every morning, I’m placing myself in His hands. His love smoothes out the rough edges and reminds me I don’t need to do everything for everyone. I just need to accept love and give it. He’ll take care of the rest.
I’ve been a mom for nineteen years, and I’m still not a perfect parent or person. I’m a mess actually. But I’m a mess that I let God get a hold of. Not because I’m spiritual, but because I was—and am—desperate. I’ve done many things wrong, but I do one thing right. When I’m uncertain, I seek God. And I fill up with His love in order to pour it out.
Not always first, but eventually.
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