If you have a pre-teen or teen daughter, you know how much pressure there is for young women to have sex. As a parent, it’s hard to find the balance between lecturing and ignoring the topic. Some days we may lean one way, other days the other.
Mom, believe it or not your daughter will listen to you best when she understands YOUR heart. Sharing our experiences concerning sex during our teen years may be hardest to do, but it will be the most impacting for your daughter. Intimacy is opening ourselves up to let someone else peer inside, and when you’re willing to share your failures and successes concerning your sexual choices, your words will go straight to your daughter’s heart.
Here is an excerpt from my book Teen Mom: You are Stronger Than You Think. In it I encourage young women to examine their thoughts about sex and intimacy, but you can use these same facts and questions to open up an impacting conversation with your teen daughter.
One main reason young people choose to have sex is their desperate search for intimacy, but true intimacy is usually the last thing they find. Sexually active girls seek a lasting commitment but end up with heartbreak.
Another side effect of the search for intimacy through sex is that these teens have a hard time learning other ways to relate. They miss the joy of heart bonds because society has fed them a lie that physical bonding is the only way to truly connect.
Think about it: in today’s movies, how do you know if two people are “in love”? They have sex with each other. While this may be an easy way to show attraction on the big screen, this isn’t the real world. True intimacy is made possible by the use of relationship skills and not as a result of sex drives.
I know I had the wrong ideas about intimacy when I was young. I thought that “going all the way” was the only way to show a guy that I truly loved him.
- 2% of teens have had sex by the time they reach their 12th birthday.
- 16% of teens have sex by age 15.
- 33% of teens have sex by age 16.
- 48% of teens have sex by age 17.
- 61% of teens have sex by age 18.
- 71% of teens have sex by age 19.
- What type of messages about attracting guys, getting guys, and having sex did you receive?
- How did these messages affect you?
- Did you feel you weren’t complete without a boyfriend?
- What do you wish you would have known about guys and sex when you were younger?
(excerpt from Teen Mom, p. 88-89)
To find out how to have “the talk” and read the rest of this post, head over to thebettermom.com and download the printable below!
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